Web Design and Operations
By KatNBoots138

It’s 2018

 

I’ve just sold my house to move me and my two kids in with my “twin flame”—J.B.C. III—in the Tampa Bay area. I’m thinking this is it. The next chapter. The fresh start we’ve been waiting for.

The day before the sale of my house closes, he breaks up with me. Just like that, I’m left with two kids and no place to go—for the first time.

But I’m still blinded by the bullshit of “twin flames.” I tell myself his “karmic” (the woman I thought he had finally divorced) must’ve gotten in his head. That he’s scared. Still healing his inner child wounds. I convince myself this is part of the journey. So I scramble and find a vacation home in his area—somewhere temporary for me and the kids to stay for two months—just until I find something more permanent.

He knocks me up the first day I move in. But now, suddenly, he “can’t be with me” because his “ex-wife” is staying with a friend, and as the story goes, that friend won’t let her keep the kids overnight. So he’s got them full-time. Also, she’s “mentally unstable,” and he’s scared for his children’s safety. But of course… he can still come fuck me on his lunch breaks throughout my entire pregnancy.

And while I carry this baby and he visits me in secret, he keeps telling me we’re going to buy a house together. I believe him. I plan for it. My money starts running out, little by little. But I’m still busy “manifesting” this picture-perfect life with my “twin flame,” too caught up in spiritual hope to see the reality crashing down: that I’m about to be homeless, now with three kids, and hours away from any real support system.

He leaves me a month before the baby is born. But because he showed up for the birth—and because I was still convinced he was my “twin flame”—I forgave him.

I have a C-section. My money is gone. I don’t have a job. I pack up an entire house with a newborn, right after surgery, and move in with my mom and my emotionally, mentally, and sometimes physically abusive stepfather.

I stay involved with “J” for years after that. Actively healing his past lives, his inner child, his trauma—doing deep spiritual work for him—because I believe that’s what twin flames do. Only to find out, years later: 1. Twin flames aren’t real. 2. Manifesting doesn’t work the way they teach it. 3. There’s no “sky daddy” or magical universe rescuing me—I had to rescue myself. 4. He was married the entire time. 5. And I, like thousands of other spiritual, “love and light” women, dismissed every single red flag. Because I wanted to believe in the magic more than I wanted to protect myself.