As someone who used to call themselves a light worker, for lack of better terminology of what it means to work with energy, I dropped that label.

I’m having an actual, like, shadow moment situation. So I’m gonna share with you guys.

So she had posted a video yesterday where both of her cats were literally meowing at the wall, aimed at mine and Kate’s calendar. And they needed it. And they needed it now. So she took the calendar, put it on the floor, and they rolled around on it, sat on it, did what they needed to do, walked circles around it, did the things.

Someone on TikTok asked me today if I can feel what people are individually asking me for when they talk to my soul without talking directly to me in the physical.

It’s hard to explain what I do in my sessions. That’s why I call myself kind of like an IT tech guy.

What I do is merge into your system, and then I sit for a moment and just tune into your energy.

I’m frustrated and sad. I wanna make a difference. I really do. But if people don’t hear me, there’s nothing I can do.

And the other people tagged with me were mad. They were saying, “There’s no way you could—blah blah blah—you aren’t anywhere near it! You can’t do it through a video!”

When everything hit me, it was so intense and I started going really dark. 

It was brain melting. Seeing everything isn’t just seeing truth — it’s seeing all the angles at once. It’s seeing through everything. The falsity. The fakery of your own reality. Beyond the matrix. Beyond the video game. Beyond the coding.

I wanna talk about what happened to me the other night, cause it was really fucking crazy. But I also wanna be very careful, because I’ve started talking to someone new, and this experience is with them. And I don’t wanna freak them out by, like, putting all their stuff on blast. You know what I’m saying?

But I would say, "you chose me, you made that choice, you chose me to be your mom right now, in this life."

This was when he was around age three and four. And he would always say, "I chose Goose, I chose Goose", which is what we call my mom, ’cause I used to call her Mother Goose.

Okay, so basically, the last actual physical, going-to-an-office kind of job I had, I worked at the pension office for police and firefighters, and it would be like the boring-est job for anybody and everybody. 

I was literally preparing the folders to be scanned so they could go paperless. It was supposed to be a three-month job, it ended up being a couple years.

So I was sitting there and I was like, hey, are you okay? And she’s like, "yeah, I’m good." And then I got the Eminem song, but it started with 🎵 I just settled all my lawsuits, Fuck you Debbie🎵 And I was like, 🎵now this looks like a time for me, so everybody🎵

And sometimes it is like playing Pictionary with Spirit — the Spirit Team just keeps circling something, like, “Mmhmm, you got it, yep, that is it,” but it is not visual.

It is all analogy.

So I am just sitting there, stuck, trying to piece it together.

I said, “It will make it appear in the spot it most commonly exists in.”
They said, “Cool.”
Then a few minutes later — “Found it.”
I said, “Hahaha, love it.”

And at that exact same moment, my daughter starts stacking toy donuts and ice cream and counting — “One, two…” So i tell my session about it.

I was telling my friend, Shayden, a story about my twelve-year-old — well, he was two at the time, I believe.
So my twelve-year-old, who goes by the name Jay, was born with all of his spiritual abilities wide open.

So the other day, someone bought a roll for a Healing TikTok Tarot service, from me— and their reading was so specific. Like, holy shit

I’m a Highest Good Healer.
I help people unravel things in their highest good.

Looking back at 2015, and how I was a manager, in my 30s, at Pier 1 — a home goods and furniture store — and how The other managers fucking hated me. There were two female managers who were best friends, already working there. Everybody was miserable because it was sales, and I was super happy, silly, hyper, and chipper from working in restaurants. They didn’t like me just on that alone.

I'm heading to the C.I.Y. (Christ In Youth) convention with my youth group in the morning, but tonight my boyfriend bought LSD for us to try. I was a very, very, very sober, youth-group-envolved teen for most of high school, but since I turned 18 last April, I've been trying new things.

I had a really emotional day today and my sessions were very difficult. I was trying to pinpoint exactly what it was because I felt like I was pushing through concrete — my body felt worn out, and I don’t get worn out. It was really tough work.
I worked with someone today who I’ve worked with before, and I was like, oh good, I’ve worked with you before — maybe I’ll be able to do more with you.

Okay, so first of all, holy shit — these sessions. The amount of stuff I can get done in 30 minutes is blowing my fucking mind.
The first person was an hour session, and their team came through with so much healing that we were able to get everything done in 30 minutes and we called it quits. The second person — we got everything done in 30 minutes, then did extra stuff in the next 30 minutes.

Okay, so healing is a lifelong kind of thing. I remember when I first started doing really deep shadow work for myself — where you just look at what comes up and ask, Why does that make me feel some type of way? Is this inner child? Is this past life? Where is this coming from?

Okay, so back when my twelve-year-old, Jay, was like two, they could see ghosts really clearly. Like, as clear as they do in the movie Sixth Sense. To the point where my kid would be like, “See the dog,” and I’d be like, “Yeah, I see the dog.” Then they'd be like, “See the tree,” and I’d go, “Yeah, I see the tree.” Then my kid would say, “See the girl,” and I’d be like, “You see a girl?” and they'd say, “Yeah, I see a girl.” So I’d ask, “Oh, is the girl happy or sad?” and they would say, “Girl is sad. Mhm mhm, sad.” And I’d be like, “Oh, okay…”

So I talked about this before, but I'm gonna bring it up again because it's been a while since I’ve talked about it. There’s no way I would have known that I was gonna be doing what I’m doing now, as in being a healer in this way. There’s no f-ing way.

I started hanging out — as friends — with these two skater guys from school. I was currently avoiding the punk rock scene because of the last few relationships. One of the skater guys started to flirt with me, and I had known him for a few years. He was cute and funny, so sure, why not flirt back?

I want to go live on TikTok and take people on past life journeys, clean and balance chakras, help with headaches and back pain, or whatever else comes up in the moment. No one really knows who I am yet, at least not on TikTok.

But I’m still blinded by the bullshit of “twin flames.” I tell myself his “karmic” (the woman I thought he had finally divorced) must’ve gotten in his head. That he’s scared. Still healing his inner child wounds. I convince myself this is part of the journey.

I'm on the phone with my sister who is seven years older then me. I'm really enjoying the conversation and thinking about how nice it is that she and I can have this good of a conversation for as long as we are.

I was going through what felt like my 80th Tower moment in one year. Everything in my life was burning, crumbling, resetting.
Then my spiritual eyes opened—and the world went paper-thin and gray. 

As I’m getting on the school bus for D.C., my history teacher pulls me aside, holding a newspaper. My dad’s face is on the front page.

And my husband? He’s passing out mid-conversation. He’s leaving the front door open on a busy street. He’s sneaking out in the middle of the night.
I don’t feel safe. Not for me. Not for my babies.
He finally goes to rehab. While he’s in treatment, I find out something that breaks the rest of me

Together, we started to do what I’d only dreamed of before: Healing the timelines. Not just the past, but the present.
We explored oversoul theory. We cleaned up dimensions. Pocket realms. Spiritual garbage piles in between the worlds. Things that didn’t even have names yet.

I remembered this cute guy who had booked a session with me about a month earlier. At the end of the session, he said: “That was nice… we should do that again sometime.” Which is totally date language.

Anyone who commented something like "I'm new here" or "what are we doing?" I would respond "start at the fear cord series and move up". I had created a Jacob's ladder of healing and exploration. 

He’s red-faced, fuming. He points at the swim bag. “How the hell are you doing your homework if your backpack’s right HERE?!”
I start to explain — “That’s not my—” 

Behind my home, two white vans with no windows are parked 24/7. One of them leaves sometimes. The other? Always stays.

Right after I send the email, the entire prison confiscates all inmate devices and replaces them with new tablets. A massive, expensive rollout— new hardware for everyone.

I’m blocked by everyone I called family. No one even tries to contact me to see if it’s true. I’m kicked out of the private room.
I have a massive group of friends disowning me, hating me, dragging my name— no matter how good or helpful I was to them.
I’m horribly confused. Hurt. And suffering a severe loss of identity.